Friday, July 14, 2006

Finding the errors

Three posts and I've used the phrase, "not my cup of tea" twice. No wonder I have trouble writing. And what is it about me that even though I have a job that I think is going to work well (or, not as many holidays as state government gives you and it seems, no tuition reimbursement but still not a clerical job) that I'm still looking at the classifieds and Monster and finding "Wow, that would be perfect!" I guess its the grass is always greener concept. I don't regret the move I made away from the state until I hear my friend LaDonna talking about the cool things she's learning and doing from e-learning to project management. And I got to talk about accounts receivable and medicaid denials. Just not the same.

I turned down a development director position with a local medical non profit right after I got the call for the job I accepted. Cool work, but lousy pay. And, it was clerical. But now there is a clerical position with a healthcare publishing company that would be an entry place into the business. And a government relations position with a trade association. Ok, its not to say that I would even be interviewed for either, I didn't get called on the Medicare D trainer that would have been perfect for me (they don't know what they missed out on) but I still feel drawn to applying for those greener lawns.

And what was that answer to the question, what completes me as a person (ok, it probably was what is your greatest accomplishment in your life?) I don't have to find amazing personal satisfaction from a job/career because my life is big and the job/career is only one part of the equation. How come I've always made it my life? Hiding from my ex husband? Probably.

Yesterday, instead of going and finishing my other jobs, I went to the library and wrote a little and found several books to take home with me. I love the library just like a good bookstore, like the one I found in Seattle, when I was waiting for my plane, or was it Portland? It must have been Portland, when I worked for Marquis and had to go to those stupid meetings every quarter. But anyway, I was walking through the stacks by the fireplace (non fiction area) and my mind came up with several ideas for articles or at least essays. Write about what you know. Living with a partner with mental illness. Raising a gifted child. Raising a child in a dysfunctional home. Divorce, a blessing. Choosing Psycho men, what to look out for. Power relationships, what to do if you are on the wrong side. Working with kids with disabilites. Making a non marriage work. Places I love in Illinois, St. Louis.

So at least my writer side is still there, waiting to come out and play. I just need to schedule it a play date with a notebook or a Word document. But today is a finishing day. And I am late for my walk. The dogs are waiting by the door.

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