Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Planning for life

I got thinking this am since I couldn't sleep, the doctors messed with my mind yesterday again, Who's in control, the cancer or me? But I digress. So anyway, I got thinking about how my life revolves around planning. Planning when to go to darts, my doctor appointments, my work schedule, what I want to do in the future (whatever length of time that is) but planning. I loved my Franklin when I first got it. Planning and scheduling gave me control over something in my life and since I was married to the sadist, it was about the only thing I had control over. Planning gives me comfort. I may not be the best at it and following through on my plans, especially the writing ones seems to be my downfall. Maybe that's my strength, planning.

I go back to work on Friday which will be a blessing. Being broke and unable to do anything has really dragged me down. I feel like I'm struggling to breathe sometimes. I have a stack of books to read and have the television on the country music station so I'm feeling pretty happy at least on the surface. I have the blinds open and there is sunshine streaming through the windows which always helps lighten the mood.

So what things are important for me to get done? When I'm old and sitting on the front porch in my rocker with a basket next to me filled with my regrets of things I haven't done, what will be in the basket? (I haven't done this imaging lately but it seems to work for me to focus me on what I want at least in the short term.)

I want to ***
go to Hawaii.
have a Masters.
finish a novel (writing it that is)
see my grandchildren.
visit Seattle again.
go to South Carolina or Georgia to see the plantations.
visit New Orleans.
go to Disney world.
leave the country. (Canada, Mexico, Europe, Russia, Eygpt?)

Looks like travel is in my future!

Friday, March 09, 2007

Another day, another doctor appointment.

Well, I've been to St. Louis twice this week for doctor appointments. Wednesday for a bone scan and CT scan and today for my radiologist oncologist. Good news on both parts, my scans came back clean so there is no metasisize cancer anywhere else that they can see. And, I don't have to have radiation until July/August after Chemo.

They did find a new lymph node thats all swollen, but hopefully its just reacting to the surgery. I'm tired so I think I'll go lay down for a while. Its been like that lately, having enough energy for about 4-6 hours but then dragging.

It's been a good day!