Saturday, October 28, 2006

Cleaning off my desk.

I have been moving things around. A clean desk is like a sane mind. So saying mine is never clean tells you a lot about me. Well, at work, it is clean, which tells you about work. I have too much time and not enough to do. I even scaled down my SMART goals this week because my boss thought I was streaching too far. What is the saying I have : The enemy of the best is the good. And never change your convictions based on fitting in. Well, I broke both of those mantra's this week.

So I spent some time writing. Writing a short story about walking and meeting a ghost, and moving into the past. I'm fascinated by the past. By buildings that used to house people who are no longer here. Is this based on my fascination with my dad and never knowing him? On my wall next to my desk, I have three pictures. One with my dad when I was a baby, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. One of the farm where I was born which is now been sucked up by the dairy farm on the other side of the mile block. And one of me in high school with the other Boys and Girls State'ers and the then Govenor of Idaho, John Evans. I never thought I would be picked for Girls State and the thought I was gave me the balls to try a lot of things in life. I tried to get Alex to try out, but he just wasn't into it like I was.

The only other thing on my wall is my Employee of the Year, 1996. The year we changed welfare as we know it. Another award I never thought I would get. Amazing what happens when I step up and put my self out for risks.

I've been worrying about the things I don't have, money, time, a real house, my library I left in Idaho. But I haven't been celebrating and working on the things I do have. Talent, drive, and energy.

My desk is filled with things I haven't done or that I've started. My lists, a gift certificate and catalogs for a candle company, My writers guidelines book and my writing. A lot of things I've started and never finished or sent out. That is going to stop today. As of today, I risk again. I set the world on notice that I am here. And I will be a writer. I will have a house, soon. And I will be successful. And my definition is that of being able to live comfortably, have my writings published, and finishing my novels.

NaNo is starting next wednesday. 50000 words in one month. This year I will finish and win.

Off to clean my desk some more.


Monday, October 16, 2006

I guess I need to rename my blog

I was thinking that having this blog, I would write about writing. What I'm submitting, what I'm trying, what progress I'm having, but I'm not any of those things. I'm not writing again. Not even in a journal. The journal is what keeps me unblocked. Lets me get my fears out on paper so I don't sound like a screaming idiot during the day when I'm talking to others. But I don't journal. I diet but don't really exercise, just walk once or twice a day with co workers. And weekends, I don't do anything, really. Darts have taken up a lot of my free time again. Darts and driving. Ok, so now I'm whining.

I only have a couple minutes but I thought I'd write about the Toby Keith concert. We got there early so we were first in line. And then we waited for fhree hours in line, before they would let us in the gate. Note to self: That is really too early! Then beer was $7.50 a pop. See even when I'm writing about something else, I'm whining. Joe Nichols was his second act and he was good, but I think he was better in Boise. And then he had Rushlowe Harris? as his opening. They only had guitars so it was acostical? but I thought they were very good. Jim and his folks didn't agree.

Well, the road is calling. Back to work today. PowerPoint class tomorrow. Should be a fun week.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


It stll seems strange that I live in Illinois. I've been dealing with a bit of depression (I think) lately. I don't know if its the long days and I'm just tired all the time or if there is something else going on. My birthday is coming up Friday and I won't have the celebration I had last year at work. Flowers, bears and lunch out. But really, those things were trappings and I only talk to one of the women who participated in that show of affection now. Does the grandness of the gesture prove it is just a gesture?

I have lots to write about. I went to a private concert for about 50 people by Steve Holy a couple weeks ago. He sings Good Morning Beautiful, and I've got a Brand New Girlfriend. His stage presence was very bright and entertaining. But then we got in the line to do autographs and he was a little standoffish. So I couldn't get my picture taken with him at all. But I got one with one of the two guitar players from his band, Adam. He was eating bbq from Bandannas a local bbq place that uses WIL 92.3. He was great and didn't mind stopping and getting a picture. The calm before the fame, I guess. Steve was just too worried about catching his plane.

So that was fun. I took off during the day at lunch, we had an extra hour since we made our "team" goal given to us, so with that, I didn't even lose any paid time. And I went to a new part of St. Louis I hadn't been before, Creve Couer. Don't ask. It must be like Couer d Alene. Maybe its an indian name from the Lewis and Clark party?

Well, all this fun had ruined my diet plans. I was down three pounds from where I am today but between the bbq, the casino night party, the Anheiser Busch tour, United Way's bbq, and dart nights, I have fallen off the diet wagon. I put the list of stuff in above, so that I'll remember to write about them. Hopefully. But its almost 6 am and I need to get ready for work. This week is busy as I have my Texas renewals to get done. Both the other states are started as far as I can go. And, September/October are all done!