Getting a Do Over

With my birthday coming up next week, I’ve been pensive, thinking about my life and what I’ve accomplished so far. I was never one of those chicks that said I want to be a doctor and then followed through… I wanted to be everything. Fashion buyer, wife, mother of twelve, lawyer, judge, social worker…

And my life has kind of followed that path. Randomly choosing jobs, not careers. Until ten years ago.

I took a class in the MFA program. I can’t remember the official title… something about learning to work in a publishing environment, but in very big words. The class really was a way to get graduate students to be journal assistants for the university’s literary journal. Main job? Read the slush pile.

I. Loved. It.

Each week we took a pile of stories and rated them for inclusion in the journal. Some, okay, most were bad. Really bad. But some stories had a glimmer that took you away from every day life. Then we discussed what worked and what we were doing on our marketing project. I learned a lot about mailing lists that semester.

I left class each week energized and feeling attached to the world. Something I’d learned to muffle during my marriage. To be happy with something besides my husband was a sin. Yet, here I was, divorced and so happy I bounced walking to my car.

Stephen King says that when you’re doing the think you’re supposed to do you act like a Geiger counter on radioactive crack. (Or something like that…paraphrasing here.)

Writing is my radioactive crack. Now why didn’t I find out that piece of information when I was in high school?

Today's picture is my new granddaugher Lily. It's her first day at school.

Conflict is not picking a fight with your husband...

So today conflict is on my mind.

Yesterday my RWA Chapter hosted the funniest speaker I'd ever heard on romance, Jade Lee. I almost didn't come to this meeting. I didn't know what I'd learn from a historical romance writer whose focus is in Chinese history.

And it's a long drive.

But I packed my meeting notebook into my purse and headed out. And boy, was I glad I did.

My notes are kind of scattered, but here's a few things I learned.

1- Hot sex does not equal happy ever after. (Even though it helps - Jade did demonstrate this point with a teddy bear and a stuffed monkey. The video will be on U-tube soon...)

2- Characters have to change. AND the hero/heroine has to be the reason they change. The one has to make the other better. Think Jerry McGuire and "You complete me."

3- Characters have to have a fatal flaw. This is probably the hardest thing for me to write. I want my people to be oh so nice... but they where's the story. Where's the angst? Why would anyone read more than the opening line?

4-Save the Cat. Your main characters need to do something heroic the first time the reader meets them. Show their good side, even if it's hidden, for most of the book.

and

5-Build an imagery set around your characters. Jade talked about using colors, or animals, or elements. This one I'm going to have to work on some more. But it makes sense as a writer. If I know my heroine is a fire character, she's going to wear red, she's going to react before she thinks, she's going to be hotheaded and maybe stubborn. So even if I don't know what's going to happen in the scene, I know how she'll react.

So thank you Jade for explaining writer terms in a way I could infuse them immediately into my own writing. Now, I have to excuse myself... I have some characters to torture.

The picture is outside the Seattle Aquarium looking at the docks. My son assures me this is not the ocean, but it's the closest I've gotten in ten years....

Avoiding writing

It's November and there are a lot of writers out there trying to write the great american novel in 30 days. I'm hiding. Trying my hardest not to write.

Now I'm not doing it conciously. I'm sneakier than that. Like right now. I told myself I was going to write a scene in Paris or Bust. Just one scene, nothing earth shattering like an entire novel. But what am I doing? Updating this blog instead. This weekend was suppose to me my big push to get the other three chapters done before my friday meeting with my writer muse. (She's a real person, really)

So I'm going to cut this a little short and see if I can get started. Just a paragraph. Maybe only a sentence but something that moves the storyline down the road just a little. And then I have two new assignments. One story that I really have to finish. And three chapters due by Friday. Do I know how to procrastinate or not?

Later.

MIA (missing in action) post

I am very sorry it's been this long. March came and went. April it seemed like I was getting ready for the trip to Vegas, and now, I've been recovering. So time (and money) have been my enemy this last couple of months.

The good news is my time has been fruitful. I am deep in the interview process for a job as a training writer. My writing test is being reviewed now and then if I pass that I have one more interview before they make a final decision. I am so jacked. This is the job I was meant to do. Let's hope they agree.

My children's story came back with a thanks, no thanks, again. I need to go research children's magazines to see if I can get it placed it a home. I am in the middle of writing a confession with help from a professional confessor. Of course it's the middle so I'm feeling overwhelmed as ususal. And Hunt Road is stalled as the critique group said I needed to tighten up my first person POV.

And, we got married in Vegas this year, so my name has changed to Cahoon after being with the guy for 8 years this August. So now, I have to change my name in all the bills, bank accounts, etc. It's been a pain. We are trying to clean up our credit so we can buy a house. And put some money away in savings for a down. The nice thing is Jim isn't out of town for weeks like he was last year.

So wedding announcements are addressed and waiting for me to get pics copied and put into the envelopes, then that will be done. I'm working on some book keeping for Jim's old business. And trying to lose some weight and build back some muscle.

So yeah, I'm all over the place with this post. More of a to do list than a post this time. I was going to write about walking in the Koman Race for the Cure, but this is what you get.

Have a great day.... Lynn

New Year, New Picture

But I always put a pic from the year before, so what's up with that?

Anyway, this is me during the bad hair days of this Chemo summer with my very pricy (thanks Insurance) wig, that still looked like a wig. Sigh.

So GOOD NEWS - Mammo was clear. Went and got the bone density thing over with and next week is the Oncologist. I'm pretty happy. After Tuesday I will start using the R (remission) and S (survivor) words when it comes to the cancer.

So what else am I doing besides running to the doctor? I have my test for Senior in two weeks so I'm making a study book this weekend. I have to have a 90% to go on to the interview.

I have three lunch dates with hopefully future co-workers in the Corporate Training Department between now and the end of the month.

I have my first Open Doors (newsletter for work) editorial staff meeting next week to do assignments for the first edition out in early March.

Writing, well, I was unable to send Matt and the Kangaroo to Highlights contest since my theme was supposed to be stories in the future. Missed that deadline. So I sent it to Cricket instead.

Other than that zip writing this week. I hope to get some in this weekend along with two walks.

I'm reading the ARC (advanced review copy) of News Blues by Marianne Mancusi. Very fun. Maddy is a character you can relate to and love! It will be on sale in March 2008.

Just checking in

I've been a bit freaked lately. I have my mammogram next week. It's been a year almost to the day when I found out that I had breast cancer. So I'll be glad when this week is over and my tests come back clean. We've also been fighting with the budget lately since Jim didn't get his bonus check yet from when he was on layoff. But things seem to be getting better.

My writing is still stalled. I just don't know how to get started and then how to sustain. But I am thinking about writing and I'm doing a lot of reading.

I'm trying to do weight watchers. So we'll see if I can lose some of this weight I've been putting on. I walked on Saturday and then again today. And I went and washed my car today. So I'm trying to be more active.

Reading: Just fininshed, Princess Academy, Shannon Hale. Loved it. Also just finished Sleeping Murder by Agitha Christie.

Writing goals: Finish Hannah by end of February. Write/enter essay for E. Bombeck's contest. I read all her books when I was a kid. and write Matt and the Kangaroo for the Highlights contest. Good news it's only 800 words. Bad news, I have to have it in the mail by Thursday.

I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill.

Yes, we made an unexpected trip to the real Blueberry Hill from the song last Saturday. It was really fun. The food was amazing, fast and cheap with tons of it. I got the Fish and Chips and I swear, there were at least 6 pieces of fish, battered to a crisp, not greasy. They brought vinigar without me asking and the coleslaw and fries that accompanied the fish were in huge proportions and great! Now the beer is a little pricey, $3.50 for a bottle, but that's what they charge in the downtown areas. (See how I talk about the food first?)

Blueberry Hill is in University City. I guess it's named for Washington University which is right down the street and charges $700+/per credit hour for a graduate writing class that I won't be taking. The bar has many rooms but we were in the dart room where they have held this steel tip tourneyment for the last 35 years. It used to be huge, but it has dwindled a little bit in recent years. There were people there from England as well as the St. Louis regulars.

There is a wall of fame with pictures of the singles winners through out the 35 years. Brad Wethington (sorry Brad, I know I'm butchering your name) has won the men's singles so many times, his pictures on the wall show his growing up from a sweet 20 something (1992) to the more mature man he is now.

Jim played doubles and his darts were great, just not enough to keep up with the competition. They smoked their first opponents then took on Steve Brown (who is also on the wall of fame) and Jim and his partner were unable to get passed them. And steel tip is single elimination. So, after talking for a while, taking in the eclectic nature of the bar, we went home. I'm glad we went even though Jim didn't place as Blueberry Hill is one of the places we wanted to see in St. Louis and Jim realized that his steel tip skills are pretty good!

You can buy dart shirts from Blueberry Hill at www.BlueberryHill.com. And if you are ever in St. Louis, we have to go!

I'm more tired this week than I've been ever. I think the Chemo is sneaking up on me. I had a lot of pain from the shots this week and I am still dealing with that. I'm trying to drink a lot of water and eat at least my five fruits and veggies, but it's hard sometimes. So even though they have a lot of calories, I'm counting my juice!

In the writing realm, I sent off a query to Grit and got a request back to see the essay on spec. I'm pretty jacked about that. I'm planning on finishing it up this weekend and getting it back out on Monday. Wish me luck!

I'm signed up for the Enterprise Team for Race for the Cure. Enterprise is paying for our entry! So hopefully I'll feel strong enough to walk. And I'm suppose to volunteer for the St. Louis Jazz festival in a couple weeks, but I've been assigned to greet and I'm not sure if that's a great idea with my weakened immune system. What is it about me that I can't deal with my limitations? I told Jill yesterday that I'm not sick! I'm just dealing with the results of the treatment to keep me from getting sick! Is that the wrong way to look at it? What do you think?

Listing to TWO DOLLAR BILL by Stuart Woods. Its funny but kind of sexist in a lot of ways and the sex scences seem really fake. Like when the hooker says she F*cked his brains out, and giggles. And he was dating and sleeping with this one girl and the next night he's back with an old girlfriend, with no qualms about the first girl. Maybe men think this way and its just women who think it's fake.

Reading, not much. Way too tired to get anything done. I am still in Janet's Four to Score but at least I can pick it up and put it down without losing track of the story.

Off to jump into the shower. Lots to do this Saturday. Wish me luck.

On my way!

Well, halfway has come and gone and I'm set up for a new drug next Chemo the 22nd. I think its called Taxol. I know it came from the California Yew tree which was almost extinct before they found the use for the tree. Funny how that happens. They tell me this will be less nauseating but I'll be more tired since they give me benedril first. So Jim will have to drive me at least the first time. Last night I got the lecture from his mom and dad because I went to this treatment by myself. They don't get that I need that independence sometime. And maybe I don't get that they want to help.

And, its shot time again!

I started a story about called Miss Emily this week but haven't got very far in it. I was hoping to have it done by the 15th and shoot it over to the Writer's Digest contest, but I guess I'm going to miss that this year too. I guess sometimes I wait too long for inspiration to come and forget that the muse comes while working, not while doing other things, at least for me.

I looked up the information to start working on my MA in Instructional Design. I think for a work degree (not my dream one of a MFA in creative writing) its a good one to have. It will really position me for a lot of jobs in this area at least and will give me a heads up if I go back home to get into the business end of the valley rather than health care. I could teach a lot of things in health care, but they want you to have a nursing degree for all the positions I saw and I don't want to say in business ie finance part. It just drives me crazy that one class is going to cost me almost $1000. So I need 36 hours, $36K to get a degree. Hmmmmm. May have to think about that. I'm going to try to get this set up and hit up my supervisor at my year review and see if work will pay at least some of this fall class. Summer is way out of the question. And I still have to take my GRE (another $130). Lottery, where are you!

In Patricia Cornwall's TRACE on my drive time. This book is interesting as it is more character driven than plot driven. A lot more like how I work with my writing. Here you know who the killer is way before Kay or Lucy do and if they were all just talking to each other, it would be different. Keeping those secrets tend to streatch out the process even though we think we are saving the other person hurt or worry. Reading a lot of cozy's lately has made me wonder a lot about my structure and writing style.

Reading, still in BEAUTIFUL LIES, Lisa Unger. I thought I'd get it done on Chemo day but didn't. And not taking the few minutes at work to stop and read a little on break, trying to make up as much time as possible to keep those checks at a normal pace to get this all behind me so my dream of going back to school can come a little closer.

I do need to find a writing group, even if it just meets once a month to keep me more focused on writing. I tend to get caught up in my every day stuff, and I know, I have enough of it, but I want to write. I want to write better. And if these two statements are true, I should be able to find some time to do what I really want. I find time to do other things!

Its suppose to be a nice weekend. Maybe I'll get my flowers planted. The garden went in last week.

Have a great week everyone!

MIA

Well, I know I haven't posted but I have a couple good excuses. Mostly, my computer has been down and it seems like we are sharing an internet connection rather than it working like it is suppose to where we both can get on. So I've been borrowing computer time from Jim and then checking email, etc at work. It's funny how much you have stored in your own computer and how much of a pain it is to change up.

So where was I when I last posted. March 14th. I probably was still in the throws of the metatisis scare. The bump on my shoulder blade that looked like it was neck rather than in the breast cancer line of fire. Well, I re did a CT scan, thinking NO CANCER. NO CANCER. all the time. And it has come back that it is still localized. Thank God, big sigh of relief.

Its funny, I was waiting for my first oncology appointment looking at hats and wigs catalog feeling sorry for myself that I was going to lose my hair but when I thought I was going to lose my life, my hair didn't seem to be that big of thing. Now that I've had my first Chemo and second is the upcoming Tuesday, I'm worried about my hair again. I ordered a wig but now I'm concerned that the insurance will not cover it even though the care coordinator I talked to said they would.

Chemo makes me nauseous (but no vomiting this round) and very tired for days after. Then I get shots that make my back hurt, nauseous, and have diarrea. As far as eating, I now know the definition and execution of emotional eating. I eat to feel better, to feel normal, because I can, and lastly, because I need to. But mostly I eat. Cookies, candy, soda, anything that "comforts" me, especially mashed potatos. I am an Idaho girl! But one round of eight is done and only 7 more to go.

I am still fighting for co pay assistance to allow me to get the shots delivered at home so I give them myself rather than go to the hospital every day for seven days after the Chemo. My co pay for the drug is $514 up to $1500 max out of pocket. This is why you are told to save for a rainy day cuz its pouring around here. I guess there is no good time to get cancer, but this is probably the worst time financially for us. I did work full time this week for the first time since I got back, but next week, I know I'll lose at least a day due to the Chemo. I should be counting my blessings that I am able to work and that my insurance is as good as it is, which I am thankful for. I am doing some mystery shops on Monday to try to bring a little more funds into the household, but I wonder if I'm just setting myself up to fail again. I 'd like to find a little publication here like at home where I could write a monthly article for and get paid for it. Need to do some more research.

Speaking of writing which is what this blog is suppose to be about, I wrote in my novel twice this week. So, I need to get off here and make it three days which is amazing. I haven't written this much since I was taking classes.

Be good to each other and live happy.

Happy New Year!

It is with great joy and fear that I look to this next year. Having made such drastic changes to my life in 300+, I wonder what 2007 will bring. I have been thinking a lot about my goals and dreams for this year and have waxed poeticly about them in a list of SMART (I hope) goals at work. But I really want to focus on two.

1- Be healthier at the end of 2007 than I am in the beginning. Steps to include limiting worry, losing weight (at least 20 pounds this year), exercising 3-5 times weekly, limiting alcohol and sweets, and eating healthy foods, like fruits and veggies 3-5 day and 3 servings of dairy a day.

and 2-Write more! I have set up a writers notebook with a calendar and writing opportunities listed on each month. I have joined the Open Doors newsletter staff at work and had one article published. I think this will teach me more about real journalism processes. I have drafted a children's mystery story for the Highlights contest due this month. And I will pick one novel I've started to finish this year. I think it will be Hunt Road, the story of Greg, an amature slueth and reluctant medium who follows the trail of a murderous wife beater to solve the death of a local drunk, who has no one else to stand up for him, finding love along the way. Ok, so my hook needs a little more work. Like why does anyone care?

The other project I will finish within the next three months (see a deadline, I can set them, I just have problems with the execution), is a story for True Confessions. I think using some of my experiences from my real life, like the time I lived with the child molester who controlled my life for a year, should be able to give me some writing fodder for this gendre. You would think with the number of these I read during my childhood, they should be easy to write!

Anyway, those are my focus goals. Of course, I set getting my budget under control (not totally in my court), increasing my pay at work and getting a promotion?, and a few others as well. But I will be happy to follow the path set for me above.

And now, I need to go exercise. Hope your day is filled with exciting planning and careful execution.

I hate it when I do that.

So, about my conviction to win NANO. I don't think its going to happen. Of course, it still could, I have hope, but I started writing last weekend, then stopped. Now I'm on another computer, don't ask, and don't have even the start on this one to add to.

I have four tests to study for Tuesday. Incentives, LTT, Business Management, and Interpersonal Skills. Do you know how many classes, tests, I've taken to tell me what type I am and how to deal with others?

This new one DISC, put me as a Dominant. Which doesn't surprise me. I'm in a new job, a new industry for that matter, and I'm reverting to my original type. Get the work done, show everyone I'm worthy, and focus on tasks. And I wonder why people think I'm cold. lol

Dart season is starting hard and heavy here. We have tournaments scheduled at least one a month until after Memorial Day. It will be interesting to see how we do. I am very happy we are in Playmor. I guess that is the only "league" I'm playing, really. I've substituted for the Wednesday night one, but this is the one that I'm truely involved in.

Well, gotta go and study. I'll let you know how they go.