I have been moving things around. A clean desk is like a sane mind. So saying mine is never clean tells you a lot about me. Well, at work, it is clean, which tells you about work. I have too much time and not enough to do. I even scaled down my SMART goals this week because my boss thought I was streaching too far. What is the saying I have : The enemy of the best is the good. And never change your convictions based on fitting in. Well, I broke both of those mantra's this week.
So I spent some time writing. Writing a short story about walking and meeting a ghost, and moving into the past. I'm fascinated by the past. By buildings that used to house people who are no longer here. Is this based on my fascination with my dad and never knowing him? On my wall next to my desk, I have three pictures. One with my dad when I was a baby, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. One of the farm where I was born which is now been sucked up by the dairy farm on the other side of the mile block. And one of me in high school with the other Boys and Girls State'ers and the then Govenor of Idaho, John Evans. I never thought I would be picked for Girls State and the thought I was gave me the balls to try a lot of things in life. I tried to get Alex to try out, but he just wasn't into it like I was.
The only other thing on my wall is my Employee of the Year, 1996. The year we changed welfare as we know it. Another award I never thought I would get. Amazing what happens when I step up and put my self out for risks.
I've been worrying about the things I don't have, money, time, a real house, my library I left in Idaho. But I haven't been celebrating and working on the things I do have. Talent, drive, and energy.
My desk is filled with things I haven't done or that I've started. My lists, a gift certificate and catalogs for a candle company, My writers guidelines book and my writing. A lot of things I've started and never finished or sent out. That is going to stop today. As of today, I risk again. I set the world on notice that I am here. And I will be a writer. I will have a house, soon. And I will be successful. And my definition is that of being able to live comfortably, have my writings published, and finishing my novels.
NaNo is starting next wednesday. 50000 words in one month. This year I will finish and win.
Off to clean my desk some more.